I am scared of confrontation. I don't like it, never have. Ask my mom about it: when Stephanie was a toddler and prone to major tantrums (she's a doll now, of course), I was the first one to just give in to her rather than keep the fight (or noise) going. I mean, I have no trouble saying what I think about things and standing by my opinions in conversation, but when it comes to talking to someone one-on-one about stuff, it's not my strong suit. I usually have to take a deep breath and approach carefully.When I find out someone might be mad at me for something, I immediately go into major apologizing, smoothing-out mode, just to make it all better. I found out recently that a friend of mine was quite annoyed with something I said and they assumed that I was expecting major favors from them, when, in fact, I wasn't. I am in fact very uncomfortable inconveniencing people. I don't keep people waiting, I'm always on time and I'm one of those who doesn't take very well to being served by my friends. If someone does me a favor, I immediately try and think of something I can do for them or get for them to show my thanks. Words sometimes don't seem like enough, you know? Sometimes, in life, (like a couple of weeks ago when Parker was sick) I've just swallowed my pride and taken what was offered, and have been so grateful for those who insisted.
But this is different. I don't know what to do, but I know I have an icky feeling and I want to fix it. Somebody somewhere is thinking bad thoughts about me and I hate it! I'm trying to apologize casually and nicely, I just want it to be okay.
Sigh. Thanks for listening, my little blog. I would talk to Neal about it, but he's working late today. :)
Posts
15 comments:
I am sorry, Les. I am the same way and hate confrontation. I hope you can figure this problem out and feel better. :)
Does anyone like confrontation? I don't think so... But some of us just have big mouths that get us in trouble often... Elliott used to find it endearing in me... He told your dad, before we got engaged, that he liked that I wasn't afraid to speak my mind. Well, let me tell you, I have to apologize often for saying things I don't mean (or sometimes I do mean!) I am a pro.
You don't really tell us much about your problem, but I want to chat with you anyway, so give me a call!
I know exactly what you mean - I HATE when my imagination gets away wiht me and thoughts of people thinking ill of me swirl through my head, not letting me sleep at night or be productive during the day - there is nothing worse. Wish there was something I could do - call me if you need to brainstorm peace-making efforts!
i totally hear you. i am a pretty confident/assertive person but when i know i've offended someone i can't function properly. i wish i had some amazing advice or something, but unfortunately i don't. i hope things get better for you. (and by the way, i love the pic you chose!)
ack - i'm terrible at certain types of confrontation as well. i can talk to anyone about darfur or the DRC...but when it comes to talking to this boy that i've liked for 2 months now i'm utterly lost! :) what is that?
Les you must have inherited this from your grammy. I will go 10 different ways to avoid confrontation. I know it is hard but guess we just have to face it.
I always thought when I grew up it would be easier but even though I am a great grammy now it still isn't any easier.
Lov you lots
I agree as well. I'm terrible with confrontation and sometimes end up being "false," just to avoid it. What I have found, though, is that some people just like to complain. I can't imagine anyone truly feeling that you wanted favors. You just aren't that type of "needy" person. Your friend may just be having a hard time with other issues and needed to complain. Apologize and move on. Don't let it ruin your day!
Thanks Charlotte--I'm glad you understand. (wink) I'm almost over it. :)
Well Les, humility has never been one of your stronger attributes, but so what. Too many people go through life with an outlook that the glass is half empty. Yours is always half full and no one can take that away from you. Sometimes humility is over-rated. You only get one chance at living this life. I think you are doing your best.
Ouch, "Anonymous." I'm going to actually publish this passively rude comment, because you know I obviously need to prove that I have a little humility. Next time you feel like being mean, try and write me an "anonymous" email or give me an "anonymous" phone call instead of ruining my perfectly good blog.
I'm so shocked by ppl's comments. I never leave a comment on someone's blog unless I'm sure they know me (usually after they have commented on my blog). And I try to be nice! That actually was a nice compliment in a weird way. I'd much rather be accused of too happy an outlook. Now that person will probably show up at my site!
Leslie, I love it! (Your response to the anonymous comment.) You aren't so bad at confrontation at all! I agree with Charlotte that you are the very LAST person who would ever take advantage of someone else. You know what I've decided? I'm declaring war on pettiness! I just absolutely refuse to acknowledge it. It does give me an icky feeling if I think someone is thinking bad thoughts about me, but I've just decided that it really is more about them than me. Certainly I'll apologize if an apology is in order, but then, I'm mentally handing that icky feeling right back to them. They can keep it if they want, along with the bad thoughts they've decided to harbor. That's my two cents. Love you!
I've had a couple strange "anonymous" comments too. Apparently this person thinks they know you?!? I hope it all works out for you. It sounds like it was just a misunderstanding. You'll both feel better once you talk to her.
after hearing the details today, I am still floored as to what in the world "anonymous" is refering to - are they completely out to lunch? do they know you AT ALL?....wierd, wierd, wierd. but then I'm completely biased because you are my bestest friend - hugs and hopes that the yucky feeling goes away soon!
Leslie... I am way out to lunch on my blog reading and posting frequency so I'm trying to catch up (I don't know if I'm some of the 'you peoples' or not, but I fit the bill)Anyway... I just got an anon. comment from who knows, althouh I suspect, saying that their comments 'go missing on my blog a lot and that perhaps they'll keep them to them self.' yeah... I hate it when I think I've offended someone and in this case have no CLUE who it is. I hope you're feeling better... and as soon as I get home I really want to come visit you and Miles! He doesn't turn 1 in the next few weeks does he? (o;(I'm starting to feel like the lame girl friend who SAYS I want to come see you, but doesn't... the A/C fritzing hastened the trip to cooler weather!) But alas... I'll be back!
Post a Comment