Myrtle

Guest Blogger: Neal

Myrtle and me in 1976.

I was trying to think of something interesting to blog about and one of the suggestions by my sister Georgia was to write about a woman was a big part of my life growing up-- a woman named Myrtle Lee.

Myrtle came to work for our family sometime between 1973-74. It feels strange to say that she worked at our house, when really, she was a part of our family. Since this part happened before I was born, this is information that I heard from my mother. My mother had just been called as the Relief Society president. In Louisiana in the '70's, the church was not what you would call strong. You didn't get a break just because you had six children at home and were pregnant with your seventh. Needless to say, she needed someone to help her out with the housekeeping and with the children. She had put the word out among her friends that she was looking for someone and she had interviewed several people, but had not found anyone she wanted to hire. Then Myrtle came. She was a tall, black woman probably in her fifties (more on her estimated age later) wearing a head scarf, or "headrag" as she called it. Of the questions she asked her, one was "do you like children?" Myrtle replied, "I don't like sassy ones." My mother told her that she didn't like sassy children either and that her children would never sass her, and if they did, they wouldn't do it twice. My mother said that from the moment she saw her, she knew that she was the person she should hire. She met my older siblings, and they instantly fell in love with her. Myrtle told her that she was thinking of taking a job working for another woman but that she would let her know. A few days later, Myrtle came to her first day of work. My mother said that my older brother who was about four ran out up to her when he saw her yelling, "I told you she'd come back! I told you!"

I'm not sure if my mother was already pregnant with me when Myrtle came to our house, or if she became pregnant soon after. One day, about six months into the pregnancy, my mother convinced Myrtle to help her carry a sofa up the stairs to the second floor of our house. I don't know what she was thinking, but despite Myrtle's protests, she got her to help her. A day or two later, complications began with the pregnancy, and Myrtle was convinced that it was because they had carried that sofa up the stairs. My mother said she was just sick about it and kept telling her "I knew we shouldn't have done that!" Myrtle's help would become even more valuable during that time, because my mother had to go on bedrest/limited activity for the remainder of the pregnancy. When I was born, Myrtle asked if she could be my "Black Mama." And that's what she was to me.

Myrtle was the one who gave me the little cloth diaper to use as my blankie that became my beloved "baggist." I remember just following her around all day as she did the housework and entertained me. I would follow her everywhere she went. She would set up the ironing board in my bedroom while I played or took a nap. Since I was the last child still at home when everyone else was in school and we didn't have any neighbors to play with, she was my world. We would play games and "read" books. The only problem was, Myrtle could not read or write. I never knew this until I was an adult. When we were too little to read I guess she would just make up the story from the pictures. When we were old enough to read, she would insist that we read to her. It never crossed my mind that she didn't know how.

Myrtle's inability to write was also a problem when it came to phone messages. When someone would call, she would answer by saying "Miss Annis' residence." I could never understand what she was saying until I was older. I remember thinking, "why does she answer the phone with 'ransa ransa?'" If someone called that she didn't know, she couldn't write down their name or phone number. She would scratch out a few numbers on a scrap of paper and give it to my mother. My mother would always just laugh and say "If it's important, they'll call back." Myrtle was also always afraid when anyone would come to the door. If it was someone that she didn't know, and she would never answer the door. She would make us hide and be quiet so they would think no one was home.

Myrtle and Miss Annis

Myrtle was full of interesting stories. Of course we had our favorites that we would ask her to tell over and over. One that we loved to hear was about when she went to a public hanging. She was young and I think she said it was a man who had killed his wife, or something. Her mother wouldn't allow her to go watch, but she snuck out of the house without her knowing it. She said the man was given one last request, and he wanted some orange juice. After that they hanged him. She said she ran home and got in her bed and pulled the covers over her head because she felt so bad about it. Her mother punished her and told her that's why she told her not to go. We also liked for her to tell a story about this lady she knew whose mother died and came back as a ghost and told the lady where she had hidden some money in the house. Myrtle was very superstitious and in her mind, this was a completely true story.

Myrtle lived in a part of town called the Sonya Quarters. It was a collection of shotgun houses and was a pretty bad part of town. My mother would sometimes pick her up at her house, but usually she would ride the bus to a bus stop closer to our house and she would pick her up there. Every day, I would hide in the car as we pulled up to the bus stop and pretend I wasn't in the car. Every time she would act surprised when I would finally pop up from behind the seat after we had driven away. Myrtle always refused to sit in the front seat of the car, no matter who was driving. Even when my older siblings who could drive would take her home, she always sat in the back seat. She had lived through much social change, and I guess old habits die hard.

Another memory I have is that in the afternoon, after all her work was done, Myrtle would go and sit on the porch or the swing in the yard and wait to be taken home. Of course I would often follow her and sit with her. She would usually get herself a drink of water, but would never use our glasses. Instead, she always drank out of a Mason jar. Again, I guess old habits die hard. One of her favorite things to eat was oranges. I always thought is was so funny that she would eat the whole orange, including the peel!

When my parents would go out of town, Myrtle would come and spend the night with us. We LOVED it--especially when we were in school and didn't get to see her very much. One of the highlights was that we would get to see her hair. Like I said before, she always wore a headrag covering her hair. At night she would take off the headrag before she went to sleep and we would get to see her hair all braided into tight corn rows. I don't know why that was so exciting, but she seemed to get a kick out of our excitement. She also loved to play the card game Old Maid, so of course that was on the agenda each afternoon. I always felt lucky because she would sleep in my room because I had twin beds.

Another interesting thing about Myrtle was that she did not know how old she was. I think she knew the day she was born, but not the year. I guess when you were born poor and black in rural Louisiana (She was born in Winfield, LA) in the early 1900's, you didn't usually have a birth certificate. It came up that she needed a birth certificate for something, so my mother helped her figure out an estimate of how old she was so she could get one. They had to track down someone who had known her all of her life and could verify her estimated birth year. I don't know the details, but I know it was not an easy process, and she was finally issued a birth certificate. A public records search I did on the internet shows her birth year as 1919.

Myrtle's husband died when I was in 5th or 6th grade and my parents, Charlotte, and I went to his funeral. We and another family she had worked for were the only white people in the Baptist Church in Sonya Quarters for the funeral. I remember not recognizing her at first because she wasn't wearing her headrag and her hair was not in corn rows. Myrtle was understandably deeply affected by her husband's death. It broke her heart. By then she didn't come to our house every day because there were only three children left at home and we were all in school. After her husband's death, she didn't really want to work anymore, and who could blame her. My mother would go to pick her up at the bus stop and often she wouldn't be there. She would go to her house and Myrtle would say she just couldn't come today. Finally, my mother had to tell her that she didn't need to come anymore. Of course, my mother still continued to send her paycheck to her every month for many years afterward. A year or two later, we moved away from Louisiana to Texas. I didn't see Myrtle again until I was all grown up and Leslie and I were married.

When we moved back to Texas, I wanted Leslie to see some of the places from my childhood and we went back to Louisiana. My mother knew where Myrtle lived and I called her so we could go visit her. She was ecstatic to see us. She still lived in a shotgun house in the Quarters, but she didn't wear the headrag anymore. When we went into her living room, she had our school pictures on the wall along with the pictures of her own children and grandchildren. She told us people always ask who those pictures are and she tells them they are her "white babies." After Audrey was born, we took her to meet Myrtle. She kept saying how she wished we lived closer so she could come take care of her like she did me.

The last time I saw Myrtle was at my mother's funeral. As I bid my mother farewell, it was comforting to know that I still had my black Mama, and that she was there to share in my grief.

Our visit with Myrtle in 2000

We used to send Christmas cards and occasional letters to her, but two years ago our Christmas card came back undeliverable. Leslie and I both thought she had probably passed away, because we couldn't find an address or phone number. Last night I paid for one of those records searches you can do, and to my surprise it came up with an address and phone number for her. Hopefully we can go and visit her again sometime soon.

The Nano Reef

Guest Blogger: Neal

So I thought today's post would be about my reef aquarium obsession. This wasn't a question posted, but Ginger did request to hear about it in an email to Leslie.

I tried to start my first saltwater tank when I was in 8th grade. I talked my mom into buying me a 29 gallon aquarium and I attempted to stock it with some fish. Let's just say that the outcome was less than desirable. The fish didn't live very long, and the aquarium ended up in the garage. I always wanted to try it again, and during my third year of dental school, I was introduced to the world of nano reefs. I set up a 5.5 gallon nano with some live rock and some corals. It was fun and lasted about a year, until we went on vacation in the summer and turned the air conditioner off. We came back to stinky tank full of dead corals. Anyway, last summer I decided to try it again. I set up another 5.5. Here's what it looked like last November:

I have slowly been adding corals. There is a pet store really close to the office I work at on Saturdays that sells coral frags for $5. Needless to say, I go there way too frequently. Here's what the tank looks like now:


These pictures are pretty bad, but we don't have the best camera. Maybe we'll have to jump on the bandwagon and get a DSLR. Anyway, in the pets post I said that the best pets are those that you don't have to feed live food. Even better than that are pets that you don't have to feed at all. That's why corals are so great. Most of the corals kept in reef aquariums are photosynthetic so you only have to feed them if you want to. I have one that isn't photosynthetic that I have to feed (the black one in the center) and I hate it. I usually feed once a week because it's kind of fun, but it's nice to know that if I don't feel like doing it, the corals will be just fine. The downside is that you have to have special lights for them and they can be very expensive. The lighting is probably the single most expensive part of any reef system.

Anyway, the 5.5 is great, but it's got a lot of limitations as far as space limitations for corals and fish. We had a fish for one day until it got sucked into the filter and died (I think Leslie wrote about that.) Audrey and Parker really want fish, and Parker has his heart set on getting a shrimp. So it's time for an upgrade. I cut up some of my corals and sold the pieces (known as fragging. See www.frags.org) and bought a 40 gallon with a stand. I'm still in the setting up stage, but it's going to be awesome. The stuff in the 5.5 will go in it with LOTS of room to spare. As far as livestock, I'm thinking of a pair of these with an anemone. They may be out of my league, being wild caught and I don't have experience with fish. I don't know, I think they're really cool, though. There is a guy that is breeding them here.

So that's the nano reef. Leslie can't walk past the computer without checking blogs and I obsessively check these sites:

MARSH
Nano Reef
Reef Central
Frags.org
Rare Clownfish

So that's the tank!

I'm a Dentist, that's what I do.

Guest Blogger: Neal

So there were several questions about dentistry. First I guess I should explain what I do. I went to dental school and graduated in 2004. From the time I started dental school, I knew that I wanted to be a specialist, but even up until the summer before my third year, I didn't know which one. Well, actually I did know which ones I didn't want to do--periodontics, oral surgery, pediatric dentistry, dental radiology, oral pathology, prosthodontics, or dental public health. So that left orthodontics and endodontics. So when the time came to apply for residency, I still didn't know which one. So I chose neither--I applied for and got into a General Practice Residency at UCLA. GPRs are usually hospital-based programs with an emphasis on providing care to medically compromised patients. The dentistry is pretty much the same, you just do it on people who can't be treated in a conventional dental practice. That pretty much bought me some time during my fourth year to decide between endo and ortho. Obviously I chose endodontics. So that's where I am know--finishing my second year of a three year program.

So what exactly is a root canal, you ask? Basically, the inside of your tooth is hollow--from the crown all the way to the ends of the roots. This space inside the tooth is where the nerves and blood supply (pulp) are housed. When the pulp is insulted (usually by decay or trauma) the pulp becomes infected and ultimately dies. Since there is no longer any blood supply inside of the tooth, it becomes a sort of hiding place for bacteria that your immune system cannot reach. This can cause abscess formation, and a chronic inflammatory reaction around the roots where the canals exit and can cause bone destruction, root resorption, etc. So when you do a root canal, you make a hole in the tooth so that you can reach the pulp chamber, you clean and enlarge the canals in the roots, and seal up the roots to keep the bacteria out. Then your immune system can take care of the inflammation/infection that is around the roots. Then you need a filling and usually a crown to fill up the hole and strengthen the tooth against fracture. So in a nutshell, that's what I do every day. Here are some examples of my work:


So on to your dental questions: Elizabeth wrote: "So I have a couple of friends that swear all you have to do to keep your teeth clean is use mouthwash." Obviously this is not true. Here's the deal--have you ever heard of a biofilm? It's when a collection of microbes organize themselves into a film that makes them resistant to degradation by your immune system, other bacteria, chemicals, etc. Well, you guessed it, plaque on your teeth is a biofilm. The only way to really remove it is to mechanically disrupt it. Mouthrinses can be beneficial as adjunctive treatments, but they won't completely eliminate the biofilm. A couple of years ago, Listerine had a campaign saying that they had studies showing that rinsing with Listerine was a good as flossing. Well, come to find out, the publications weren't peer reviewed, were solely funded and conducted by Listerine, and pretty much didn't hold water, so under pressure, they yanked the ads.

Ginger wrote: "I want to know what grosses him out when he works on people's mouths." Believe it or not, I can't really remember the last time I got grossed out. I do remember the first time someone's mouth made me gag, though. I was doing dental exams at this Missions of Mercy thing and I had to do an exam/cleaning on this guy that had massive amounts of decay in his teeth. Even better was that he had tons and tons of food/plaque/crap stuck in all of these big holes in his teeth and I had to pick it all out. It was gross. That was before I was even in clinic in dental school so I hadn't really experienced that yet. It was also the first time I ever dry heaved behind the mask. Now I'm pretty much over it and it doesn't make me sick.

More than getting grossed out by patients, I get annoyed by them. Like today, I had three annoying patients. The first lady acted like she was dying during the whole procedure. She kept making these coughing noises and making these faces the whole time--which was about an hour. And it wasn't because it was hurting, she repeatedly told me she couldn't feel it. I think this was a topic on a previous blog post of Leslie's but here's my take. I know it isn't fun going to the dentist--especially when you have to have a root canal. But come on, you're an adult--you are capable of just sucking it up and getting through it without making it more difficult for yourself or the person working on you. Then my second patient was this 18 year old girl who apparently fell down the stairs and hit her front tooth. I'm guessing she was probably drunk when it happened. The best part about her was that her teeth looked like she hadn't brushed in at least a week. Note: even if you don't normally brush your teeth, how about you try it the day you have to see the dentist? I really wonder about young, normal-looking people who don't brush their teeth. Maybe they think no one notices. Again, not so much gross to me anymore, but annoying. Then there was my last patient who apparently thinks that if you wear enough cologne, you don't have to use deodorant. Small room, poor ventilation, Drakkar Noir, decayed teeth and BO--not the best combination.

Chel wrote: "I've really always wondered why someone would WANT to be a dentist, when if they are going through all the schooling to be a doctor... they could be any sort of doctor." This a good one. I considered both medicine and dentistry and one of the major factors that steered me toward dentistry was the difference in the lifestyle of a dentist vs. a physician. Length of training and pay are similar in the two fields, but the lifestyle of the dentist seemed to fit more what I envisioned my professional life to be like. By lifestyle I mean average hours worked per week, vacation time, call schedule, stress level, etc. I think I made the right choice.

OK, I still haven't mastered the short post thing. I have more that I can say on this subject, but I guess I'll wrap this up. Feel free to ask any dental questions you might have that I didn't address.

My Blogging Debut

Guest Blogger: Neal! Neal was born in 1975 in Central Louisiana. He grew up there, the youngest of seven children, in a pretty house across the road from a bayou. As a child, he used to find Civil War bullets under the big oak trees in his backyard, and play pretend in the spooky old slave house near his property. When he was 13, his family moved to East Texas, where he attended high school. He spent his summers working on his dad's cattle ranch in Texas, played the violin, and served as an award-winning defense attorney in Teen Court. He went away to BYU, served a mission in Argentina, came home and continued his degree in Molecular Biology. We met in Provo in 1997, married in 1998, and in 2000, we moved to Texas so he could go to Dental School. After a lot of hard work, he graduated, near the top of his class, with his DDS in 2004. He was then accepted for a General Practice Residency at UCLA, where we lived for one year. In 2005, we moved back to Texas so Neal could pursue a three-year specialized degree in Endodontics (root canals). He'll be finished in June 2008, and we will subsequently move. Someplace. In his minimal spare time, he enjoys fooling around with his pretty little saltwater world (a small tank full of beautiful corals), working on the garden, reading National Geographic, playing and being silly with our kids, and generally being a wonderful person.

Okay, that was the intro that Leslie wrote for me. I guess after she wrote all of those nice things about me, I have to post something. Well, I'll start at the top of the list of questions that were asked in response to her first post about me guest blogging.

The first one was from Angie--"my james (5) wants a snake - and i don't want anything. but, i bet he could give a good suggestion for an easier unusual one!"

First of all, Hi Angie! I remember when we met that time at Sundance. I think we may have met some other time too while we were at BYU and I've heard lots of stories about the things you and Leslie did while in London. Anyway, I'm getting off topic.

First off, any pet you get for a five year old is really going to be your pet, so pick something you like too, and more importantly, something that you are willing to take care of. In my opinion the easiest pets are those that don't require live food. As far as snakes go, there are no vegetarian/processed food eating snakes. It's a huge pain to feed live and it can be dangerous for the snake too. Many snakes will, however, eat frozen/thawed mice, rats, etc. This is really the only way to go. You can buy several at a time, keep them in the freezer, and feed them as needed. I know it sounds gross, but you get used to it and it's really not that bad. If it's something you don't think you can do, don't get a snake. If you can do it, make sure that the snake eats frozen/thawed--preferably have it eat in front of you at the pet store before you buy it. Probably the best snake for a smaller child is a corn snake. They don't get too big, are very docile, and come in a lot of different color morphs. So that's the abridged version of having snakes. As far as other easy, unusual pets go, there are a lot to choose from.

Ginger mentioned hissing cockroaches. I think those are great pets. They eat vegetables and don't stink, which are two big pluses. They're not really a pet you can play with, but I guess you could take it out every once in a while and let it crawl around. I've never had one, but I did have a colony of Blaptica dubia roaches that we fed to our tarantula. Which brings me to the next pet--a tarantula.

I think these are great pets, even for kids. We got ours when Audrey was only three and Parker was 18 months and they love it. The downside is they do eat live crickets. Any tarantulas from the genus Avicularia would be good. Ours is an Avicularia versicolor, one of the prettiest of all the tarantulas, I think. They are also very docile. The juveniles are a bright blue, then gradually turn pink and green with each molt starting at about the third of fourth instar.

Another good one would be a bearded dragon. They eat both live insects and plant material, so they're a little more versatile when it comes to feeding. They supposedly have a lot of personality and can be one of the more "friendly" reptiles.

Wow, this is getting really long--probably more info than you wanted. Here's an article I found on kingsnake.com about good beginner reptiles. Kingsnake is a great site to go for info and also you can buy pretty much anything you can think of in the classifieds and usually have it overnighted to you in the mail! What more can you ask for?

Okay, so tomorrow it looks like we'll be delving into the world of dentistry--obviously one of my favorite subjects. Sorry if this post is kind of boring--I'll try to spice it up a little bit tomorrow. I guess I don't have the blogging talent that Leslie does!

My Baby Daddy

I'm going out of town next week, to visit my darling Stephanie, her dear Mike, and their precious little children. While I'm away, my husband, Neal, will be guest blogging here on flowerchain! Man, it was like pulling teeth to get him to do it. Well, not really, and apparently pulling teeth isn't all that hard anyway. I just had to bat my eyelashes a little and poof! He agreed. Plus, guest blogging IS all the rage, and ya, I like to mix it up a little.

Here I am petitioning you, dear readers, for questions or topics about which Neal could blog. You can ask him things about himself (he's fascinating), the genetic probability of us having three red-haired children, about what it's like to be married to a girl with *seven blogs, his interesting childhood growing up in what I consider the semi-old South, his thoughts on cultivating plumeria trees here on the mainland, how fun it is to do root canals all day, why you should be using Listerine, etc. He has loads of opinions on politics, child-rearing, responsible calling-fulfilling, and many other topics. You may submit your ideas or questions for Neal in the comments below.

If we don't give him any ideas, Neal just may blog about his mini-reef saltwater aquarium, or better yet, how to feed live crickets to our pet tarantula.

Hooray for guest blogging! I can't wait to see what he writes about.

* four of my blogs are family history blogs with other contributors. I'm not THAT addicted.