I don't think I'm going to playgroup anymore. I haven't been much since I had Miles, since he tends to nap during that time, but last Friday he was awake, so we thought we'd join society again. Since it's been so rainy, we've been forced indoors for the past 4 playdates. I'm the co-chair of our group (organized through our church), so I help decide what we'll do each Friday and send out the requisite email. One of my friends offered to have it at her house, which was very nice of her. I used to look forward to the playgroups at people's homes because it was a controlled, enclosed environment and didn't involve mosquitoes or me pushing anyone on a swing for half an hour.
I was quite alarmed when I got to the playdate and saw what I saw. I totally would rather have pushed Parker on the swing! Maybe it's because I was raised in a very peaceful, non-chaotic home, despite the fact that six children lived in it. Maybe it's because I only have 3 children, who are all quite mild-mannered and well-behaved (if I do say so myself). Maybe it's because I'm a total snob and don't like my kids associating with wild children. But seriously, I couldn't take all those kids and all that noise. Miles had his head sat on by a husky one-year-old, and proceeded to cry, I was shot in the head by a Nerf gun, and had to ask the child to take it elsewhere, and Parker had a ball thrown directly at his ear by a very strong baby. Not one of those three mothers apologized (or even noticed what their kid was doing). Sure, kids will be kids, you may say, but what has happened to parents taking responsibility and disciplining their children? Just because there's a bunch of toys hanging around doesn't mean you can just leave your kid to do whatever while you chat away with your friends! I could really spout off about this topic. (Neal and I discuss it every Sunday afternoon, after church meetings full of wild, unruly, irreverent children and inattentive parents.)
I guess I am just judgmental about other parents, but I can't help it. I have no patience for it!
Besides the injuries above, there were so many sick kids there, kids who should not have been let out of the house lookin' like that. One child had perhaps the goopiest eyes I've ever seen. They were so infected that they were swollen and purple around the outside. I heard one of the other moms say to his mom, "Oh look! Aaron* just opened his eyes!" as if it was such a relief that the poor kid could finally do so (at 11:00 in the morning). Another conversation I overheard about how the preschool called home requesting my friend go pick up her child, "but we caught 'it' really early, so she's fine now (and here at playgroup)."
I looked down at my healthy little glowing Miles, he looked back up at me, and together we grabbed Parker's hand, headed for the car, Purell-ed immediately, and headed off to play somewhere else. I know I'm horrible. I just couldn't take it.
*name changed to protect the poor innocent little invalid
If you don't like me anymore, you don't have to read my blog. I'm not offended. ;)
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Posts
23 comments:
I couldn't agree more. I've been told (in kind of a joking way), that if I had more kids or if my kids were closer in age I would be more understanding of chaos,(messy houses, ill-behaved kids, etc.)but I really don't think so!
ya, we've long since avoided play groups for your listed reasons, as well as the fact that it ends up being more work for me than it is worth - I, like you, would much rather have more intimate play dates than chaos free-for-alls.
Les I am in agreement with you. Some mothers today just let their kids run wild and have no discipline. What will they be like at 15 and 16 if there is no control when they are little????
Good for you-we don't need sick kids or unruly ones either!
Love the way you takd care of our babies!
Hugs and Hugs
Grammy
i totally get that. unchecked kids running around at playgroup makes me nuts, too.
a couple weeks ago a little boy came up and grabbed the toy my son was holding and they proceeded to tug-of-war over it. i tried to break it up and sort of waited for the other mom to step in and stop her son, but she comes over (slowly) and giggles, "oh he thinks it's like when he fights with the dog over the dog's toy."
well, my kid's NOT a DOG and you can't let your kid come around and think he can take things from other kids. we're not cavemen!
yeah. i can get really riled up, too.
I couldn't agree more. That's why we boycott singing time and nursery on Sundays. We've all been sick since Thanksgiving and I'm tired of being the monitor for everyone else's kid.
To be honest, I can see both sides here. I regularly have five or more kids at my house (8 and under) and I know that things can be orderly and controlled even with that many kids. On the other hand, I imagine some Moms with hard kids are simply doing their best. As they watch you and your kids model appropriate behavior they will (hopefully) learn better ways to cope. And I imagine a lot of them are unaware there behavior was so bad. (Which will surely change after they read this post!!)
I agree with Jessi. And no- I'm not one of the moms with out-of-control kids who doesn't pay attention to what they are doing. I have 5 children of my own and 2 step-daughters all under the age of 11. So, I KNOW chaos!! But I also know that I have one kiddo (my 3 yr old) who has a tempermant that I have never experienced in a child. He's not a bully (if he was I'd nip it in the bud) but he'll throw his occasional temper tantrum in the store or whatnot and I ignore it. I mean, I don't leave him crying on the floor, but I put him in the basket and continue my shopping. Mostly because he's crying because he wants to go home. So, leaving the store so people don't stare at me isn't gonna happen. I'm secure enough in my role as a mom that I don't give a hoot about what others are thinking. KInda like when I got dirty looks for using one of those chest leash things at the Denver airport. Yeah- a lost 2 year old would be MUCH better... But I do get totally annoyed when kids are being bullies at McDonalds or where ever and the parents ignore it. That drives me crazy!!
As for mom's busy talking or whatever and not noticing what's going on- it's annoying, but I understand the desire and need for adult conversation. But we're women- we should be able to multi-task and keep an eye on our kids while getting the latest gossip. :)
Good post- sorry this comment is so long. Maybe I'll post about it on my blog.
you're not a snob. and your kids ARE perfect. they deserve better than how that playgroup sounded.
i hope no one from that group reads your blog.
no one from my immediate circle of acquaintances even knows about my blog, so i feel okay posting this.
jessi: i hope i didn't sound like i am the "model of appropriate behavior." that's not how i meant this post. i just left because i didn't want parker modelling that behavior. i certainly have my moments and so do my kids. they're not perfect (thanks anyway, steph), but we try really hard to teach them common courtesy, empathy, manners, and what's expected of them in certain situations. i try really hard, and sometimes they obey, sometimes they don't. this just wasn't my day for a playdate, i guess.
tori: i completely understand the need for adult conversation, but, like you said, not to the extent that kids are getting pummelled, pushed and infected right and left. i think it's very feasible to have your eyes on your kid and still talk to your friend.
otherwise, it's just time for a girls' night.
glad you all had opinions on this!
i'll admit that i'm a playgroup virgin, but i can understand your frustration. having kids is chaos enough without throwing other kid's crazy behavior into the mix. let those who love playgroup, have it. and those of us who'd rather have a smaller soiree do our own thing.
(and i totally relate to the church thing. having kids does not mean you get to skip out on attending your meetings or parenting!)
Well said. I'm glad I am not the only one that doesn't feel like it's acceptable or appropriate. I too, have no patience for all of the things you said and would have left myself.
Call me a snob too... but I'm sticking to it :-)
Ouch. That was hard to read. I know I have three very rambuctious and energetic boys who can get crazy. I try my very best with them. I try and discipline them and I try and teach them appropriate behavior. But I wonder if others have judged me as a bad mother because of my crazy boys. It's a sensitive subject for me because I do feel out of control sometimes. I am aware of my weaknesses and I hope others can forgive me. I try my best.
And Natalie, I do wish you went to more play groups when we were in the same ward. That would have been a time we could have gotten to know each other better!
i've so been there. sigh. its so stinky - why is it ever ok for sick kids to stay home from school and then come and infect mine?!
I don't think anyone will dispute that everyones' kids get out of control once in a while. The problem comes, I think, when parents don't discipline. I have friends who let their kids jump all over my couches and climb the outside of my stairs. Because it's okay at their house, they figure it's okay at mine. That's when moms need to step in. And nothing drives me crazy more than when a kid is bullying and the parent does nothing, or even blames the other child. I understand that there are children who are defiant or just don't get it... but the parent needs to be on top of it.
I usually leave playgroups with a big headache. They sound like a good idea - talk to other moms while kids play together - but I end up working most of the time. Trying to keep my kids in line, or trying to keep other kids from getting my kids. It's more stress than it's worth most of the time. I like little play dates or visiting teaching appointments. :) Not too many moms or kids.
I agree with you wholeheartedly! I was foiunder of a playgroup for a few months and the DRAMA was like beoing in high school all over again!And the things that came out of those women's mouths ! I guess asIget older I jsut loose patience with some moms and their complacency with their children. Great post!
I just don't agree with what most people here have written. It sounds like you've had a bad experience, but to bad-mouth playgroups in general is ridiculous! I love my playgroup, my kids love it, and I've made many friends through it. I think it's hard enough being a mother of multiple young children without all the criticism. Most of us are trying the best we can!
If I recall,
Jesus said suffer the little children to come unto me... Not let the children come unto me unless the're rambuncious or they have runny noses.
This is a classic example of pride. Have you ever stopped to put yourself in the place of someone else; maybe they are in need of something that you can offer. It is only when we forget ourselves and show charity that we can really become friends with others.
In other words the problem is the beam in your eye, not the mote in the eye of your sisters.
Kids are going to get sick. They're going to get their heads sat upon. I don't know anyone who hasn't been shot in the head with a Nerf dart (emphasis on the word Nerf). What are you going to do when they go to Kindergarten and there is one adult to supervise 30 children? I can't wait for that blog.
I think I am rambling... just get over it.
i do have a child in kindergarten, thank you very much, and she is well-behaved, because she has been taught to be. i don't have anything against sick children or nerf darts, anonymous, i have a problem with parents who completely write off whatever their children do as "just part of being a kid." i don't think children appreciate having no limits or expectations put upon them.
i really hope you're not the same anonymous who i had to run off last time.
btw, i told you i was a snob. get over it.
I think I came a day late! I read that there was 19 comments, so I knew it was a good one.
I've been there, Leslie, but unklike you, I love going back. I love playroup! Maybe it's because I would never go somewhere as confined as a house (we always end up at large open spaces: parks, church gym, library, etc). My kids love it and it's healthy socialization for them. I CAN'T stand it when a child never interacts with others and when pre-k or nursery time rolls around, they're spoiled and selfish because they've never experienced these social situations where NOT everything belongs to them.
I WILL agree that oblivious mothers are a truly a pet-peeve. Just because other adults are there doens't mean they're repsonsible for their kids. Their kids can come, but the parent needs to stay home so I can have a chance at their kid.
I think I came a week late... But it was fun to read everyone's opinions! This is what's fun about blogging. Way to fire up everyone's emotions Leslie! My current playgroup meets at various swimming pools during swimming season (so none of us can be too inattentive around the water!) and we meet at various parks during the other months. Lots of space, a lunch to eat while we're there. I really enjoy going... and I insist that Porter leave his nerf guns at home! :)
Well 2 thoughts. I must confess I do read your blog, and I started, #1 Because you always have the cutest pictures of your kids (I like to take pictures but need ideas) and #2 Your kids are the most well behaved in primary.
I meant to talk to you that day, I could tell you were usually quiet, but sometimes my shyness gets the better of me. I think everyone felt the chaos including the host, and the playgroup broke up pretty quickly after you left.
As far as playgroups, especially last semester (you can tell I still deal with school schedules)I looked forward to your email every week because I was pretty lonely, and making friends is not my strong point. L could have some interaction with other kids, and her personality really needs that.
I do prefer smaller inimate groups, because they seem a lot more intimate. Even though I don't feel socially like I need the playgroup as much as I did in the fall because I am getting busier and starting to get to know people, for someone getting to know people the friday playgroup has been a good thing.
So even if you don't come anymore, know that I did appreciate the emails and organization.
Church playgroups can be hard because everyone is invited and you lose control of who is in the group and how the dynamics will work. That inclusion thing can be a real bummer.
Who is this sassy anonymous? Why won't he/she stand and reveal herself?
Post a Comment