I make school lunches at night. It's just one less thing to do in the morning and it helps me sleep a little better. Oh, and did I mention that I'll be making them at night for the next 18 years? I also do laundry every day (don't we all, ladies?) and I remember the moment when I realized that I will be doing laundry almost every day for the rest of my life.
I got married when I was 20 (sheesh, no wonder Neal's brother called me his "highschool bride"). My husband, although he is infinitely more wonderful and gobs more brilliant than I ever thought he could be at that time, doesn't like to pick things up. Or put things away. Or anything like that. So I remember the moment, in our little condo in P-town, when I realized that if it was going to be done, it was ME who would be doing it (at least until my kids are older and I really put them to work, ha ha).
I remember walking by some socks on the floor about 7 years ago and realizing that if I never picked them up, they would be there forever. Nothing against Neal, of course (love you baby), I mean, he would pick them up, but I'd have to ask him to. That's when it hit me: just do it now and get it over with. I said to myself, "Don't walk by those socks without picking them up, you'll just have to come back to do it later."
Neal and I have a good understanding, I think. We both realize that we have separate jobs, mine is in the home, his is out. I don't ever expect him to do housework, just as he doesn't expect me to do root canals to pay the bills. We have our spheres, you know? He'll help me with housework if I ask him to, of course, but I rarely do. He works hard enough as it is.
And so it is. I mean, doing laundry every day could easily beset me (and sometimes, like today, it does). But there are so many other more horrific things going on in the world. Women in Mozambique would kill for my laundry room, right Jooj? Natalie would too. :) I'm just feeling petty today.
Of course, I chose to be a "homemaker," and how grateful I am to my families and my husband that I am able to be one. I wouldn't trade it for an office job, that's for sure. Been there, done that: don't love it. I DO love the smelling-the-baby-lips, hugging-the-kids, staying-in-pajamas-until-noon, meeting-the-kids-for-lunch-at-school, getting-the-mail-as-the-highlight-of-my-day part of my life. DON'T love the sock-picking-up, lunch-making, laundry-folding, bathroom-floor-cleaning parts.
Just so you know. Thanks for listening.
Oh, and my advice: don't ever leave a room empty-handed. You'll just have to come back later . . . you know the rest. Anyway, off to make lunches.
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13 comments:
I catch myself every once in a while thinking "SOMEONE has got to clean this mess up!" as I walk past socks on the floor or a pile of toys. And then I remember - SOMEONE is ME! One day it will really sink in and I'll learn to do like you said and just pick stuff up then. :)
haha les....yes - seeing women in mozambique who work literally around 18-20 hours a day simply to provide their families with one meager meal of smashed up rice with sweet potatoes and dried fish (sometimes as a luxury)....and then eating AFTER their husband, and then usually being beaten by their husband as well for no reason other than wives are just expected to be beaten and that's that.....it was hard to take. women all over the world work basically around the clock. the women in mozambique all looked like they were 20 years older than they actually were...comes from walking 15 km to a (contaminated) water hole each day to get water for their family, and constantly rebuilding their stick homes and growing all the food they eat, and getting at most about 6 hours of sleep at night. while the majority of their husbands don't lift a finger for them unless it's to thrash 'em around. it was tragic to see how the women carried the entire country on their backs, but were treated as animals. it's exactly like sade's song "pearls," "this is how she's dying....she's dying to survive."
so yes, the women would love your laundry room, but everything is relative. knowing that women over there live like that doesn't necessarily make our lives easier. being a mother will always be the hardest thing ever - in the 1st or 3rd world. i look up to all of you awesome mothers so much. you give up your whole life for others - it's so admirable!! there's nothing more incredible in my opinion. i put you equal to all those awesome mozambican women les - you all work incredibly hard just to keep your family living, ya know?
omg - i didn't realize how long that comment was. sorry. you know me and africa. :)
see, julianne knows what's up. love you jooj, you're right, at least my husband loves me, even if he doesn't pick up his socks.
I, for one, refuse to do laundry every day. When I am not pregnant I do it twice a week, when I am pregnant, I do it once a week.
I also have a completely different philosophy about housework than you. Elliott's job is to make money during the day, my job is to care for the kiddos during the day. Yes, I do have time to clean and assorted other homekeeping items, but there is no way I am going to take care of our house, our kids, and clean up after him all the time too. He is a grown man, capable of putting away his stuff (and he does!) He also has always been good about working with me to get the kids into bed. Even when he was getting his MBA, he tried to be home as much as possible at dinner and until the kids went to bed so he could be, as it is put in Genesis, my "helpmeet". They are his kids too, and this is his house too.
Yeah, I leave the socks on the floor usually. I've made the same rule for the kids - if their clothes don't get put into the laundry, their clothes don't get washed. Other than that, Bri is pretty well safe from housework, other than the occasional tidy-up-the-living-room or vacuuming.
AMEN on having our own spheres. I wish women in this country would get that it's not about not using your talents or not reaching your potential. If anything, we have MORE time than our men do to do those things - we just don't get the pay or the kudos of co-workers (both of which I can live without).
And amen on jammies till noon (or all day).
Don't get me wrong, Ginger. Neal does more than his share of child-raising. He is an incredible father, is here as much as he possibly can be, and our kids have so much fun when he is here playing with them. Since Miles has been born, he's actually taken the majority of the care of Audrey and Parker when he's home, since I'm so often tied up with the baby. He does the baths, the bedtime, I could go on and on. Don't even go there girl; he's the best. Notice I said nothing about raising the kids being my job exclusively. It's mopping the floors and cleaning the bathrooms that I don't expect him to do. Plus, my house isn't as big as yours; it doesn't take as long to clean! We've all got our systems that work for us. Do we need to take this outside, Ginger? :)
I"m hearin' everybody here loud and clear. Bottom line is you gotta let it out and clear things up before you get married - Jooj, I guess this refers to you, girl :D. Make sure ideas, expectations and role defining goes on before the temple date is set - not the funnest topics to discuss, but you'll be glad if you do it while the romance is still hot instead of when the house is a mess, laundry needs doing, ya'll are doing masters programs, church callings and the like and before you know it, you feel like saying "Fix your own damn dinner!" (see Anne Taintor illustration with the same line - it REALLY applies)
My wish for my wish for improvement in these areas - I just wish Jay could get the concept of multi tasking - it is amazing how little gets done one thing at a time. I joke with Leslie about how little would happen each day if all we did was one thing at a time - but then again, we are probably the only ones who would notice. :D
In conclusion, we just need to have a good venting session over lunch and pedis more often - we know that we love our lives, but sometimes we just need that best girl friend to share our frustrations with.
Totally get you. Some days I want to cry over folding some laundry (maybe like today...with 2 loads sitting here waiting to be folded). But then I remember how blessed and lucky I am to be at home with Mia that I just have to get over it. I am glad for my role too...vent whenever you need it!
I think Neal is great dad!!! Please don't think that I don't! I was just waxing poetic on my awesome husband! I realize I am very lucky to have him because he is so helpful arond the house. He sees a need and gets it done... A blessing many women (I am not directing this at anyone here becasue I don't know there situations) don't have!
Like I said at the begginning of my coment, you and I just have different philosophies on how the housework should be divided.
Aack, my spelling is awful... sorry!
I have written about 5 different comments and refrained from sending any of them! I have a husband who comes home late every day and without even enough energy to heat his dinner in the microwave or pour a glass of milk. But I have also been that exhausted over-worked and/or pregnant woman who came home to two kids, a husband, and a house full of undone chores. Interestingly enough, I have always been the one in charge of laundry, meals, and the myriad of other "women's work," regardless of my work schedule. Here's the thing... my life is so much better when I just buckle down and do it and don't worry about who's job it "should" be. I can't really change anybody else (well, my kids are a little more maleable)but I can change how I look at life, appreciate it, and realize what is really important. Amen to all you said, Leslie =)
Leslie, I completely related to this blog!! Can I add "vacuuming stairs" to the list of housecleaning chores I hate? I LOVE my Roomba, but it doesn't do stairs, sadly. Jason also does not pick up after himself, and is incapable of multi-tasking, though he is a world-class dad when he's actually around! It's a good thing I'm the one at home, though...our different strengths are best utilized by our division of duties. But sometimes, don't you think it would be GREAT to have a wife? =)
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